Mentally Pale.
9/8/2011 11:36:40 AM
I’m feeling pale today, like this colour.
It is the result of too many late nights and not enough inactivity of the brain.
I was up until the early hours editing Truth Or Dare?. When the words are flowing, I find it virtually impossible to tear myself away from the keyboard, but strangely, it’s Guilt and a disapproving look from Mrs Sensible, that get me to bed.
There is a clock on the bottom right hand of my monitor screen and when I’m writing, my eyes continually flick to it. They’re doing it now; 09:48. This morning, when I saw 02:20 on the PC clock, I felt guilty at not being in bed and thought I had best make my way up before I got told off. At my age, it is a ridiculous thought, but it is a response which was instilled in me as a youth and is now forever ingrained within. Sense kicked in too, as I accepted the idea my family has certain expectations of me; functioning as a human being, for one. And so it was, I exchanged the PC’s black corner clock for a fuzzy red one in the bedroom and by the time I got into bed and pulled the duvet up, the clock read a wobbly 02:40. But could I get to sleep? No. My brain was still running over the new scenes I had added and was working out a way to connect them to existing ones. It was chilly too. I contemplated switching on my electric blanket, but the on/off switch clunks loudly and I was trying to be quite, so that I didn’t get told off for sneaking up to bed late.
Eventually, I stopped thinking and stopped noticing the cold. I didn’t dream anything worth remembering. It would have been in sepia if I had.
When I woke, I felt pale.
I am wearing fuchsia pink today. I was hoping to fool myself in to feeling awake and vibrant, but it’s yet to work. Even the dark, warm sweetness of an autumnal hot chocolate has failed to colour my complexion; but according to one kind (and very tanned) lady at the school, I look happy and cheerful. I think that’s just my facial muscles taking the path of least resistance.
Early to bed tonight, then? Well, I say that now, but Writing is a very persuasive playmate who likes to stay up late.
Comments:
Laura:
9/9/2011 12:39:52 AM
Mental Paleness.
Very poetic, Gail, and much appreciated. Thank you. xx
Gail Reynolds:
9/8/2011 1:07:01 PM
Pale in colour.
Can I say, it is not how pale you feel or look on the outside its how bright the spark inside is?!
(from the tanned lady) xx